but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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