Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
