Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
