Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
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