I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
