So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
