He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
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