I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
