on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
