My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
