please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
