Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
