I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
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