I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
