I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
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