glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
It's just like the Real World with babies
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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