She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I pour the whiskey from now on
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Randomize
