I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
