Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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