Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
