I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
