What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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