Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
