you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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