my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
