Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
