I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
