is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
