the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
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