Already got asked if we're dating
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake