it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
27 Unforgettable Hookup Texts
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
19 Groupies Confess What It’s Really Like To Hook Up With Famous Rockstars
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative