I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.