very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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