whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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