I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
sarcasm needs its own font
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
