2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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