I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
