I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
