Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
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