talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Randomize
