uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
