Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
