Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
