u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
