New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
