bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Even my vagina gasped.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
