Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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