No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
