i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
