she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
