Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
You're a waste of cheezeits
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
