1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
