I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
