Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
