I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
