Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
she smelled like a LAN party
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
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