The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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