i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
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Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
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