I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
you didnt know i had herpes?
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
