whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Randomize
