Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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