remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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