He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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