Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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