I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
