i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
