DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
