You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
