Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
