put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Randomize
