So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
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