I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
So much Jack, so little girl.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
