I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
