what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
