we have officially lost it.
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
