I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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