I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
