talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
