there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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